Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Something's Missing for Me

I miss The Man a lot today. I miss him every day, really. But today it's heartbreaking.

I miss him more and more every day, actually. I have to tuck it into my pants so it is not part of my classroom mood when I teach. But everything I do happens with the intention of him in my heart. I thought it'd subside a bit. I'm finding it's the exact opposite.

I love that we Skype in the mornings, even if it's just that I get to hear his voice. Though I much prefer video, I will do whatever I can to make due and feel connected with him.

It's spurring me to think even more actively of how to get him to be with me. I mean it. I really feel like this is what I want - The Man. Africa has been a goal - a dream that I've been chasing for a long time. It seems that my life is opening up a new chapter of goals for me, and he's one of them.

Perhaps I'm feeling the beginnings of coming to age. Perhaps these are emotions that I feel because I am merely a human being with the same kinds of mechanisms as all others. Perhaps I am just wanting a family more, now. I do want a family. This trip is proving that to me even more than I had originally thought. Seeing babies and toddlers bring out my genuine smile with no effort. Thinking of cleaning a house and movie night Fridays with other families and him by my side are my new porn. I mean, there are other things I want with him, of course, but I like to keep this blog Rated G/PG...

And more and more do I feel that he is the one with whom I want to share that. He's my man man. I love him, and I love that he's my man.

So on my end, I'll keep up the hustle to see if there are better opportunities over here for him. I think it could be so perfect if it works out. I pray every day that it does.

I know this is all pretty sappy. Like, Nicholas Sparks sappy. But I had to put it out there somewhere. It feels better to write it down like this.

1 comment:

Eliana said...

I am very happy that you have found someone that you feel is your complete half and to be far away from someone whom you cannot live without must be heartbreaking. But hang in there Kim!! Skype is one of the greatest inventions!