This week was a big week for me at school. I have had to make some big decisions this last month, and I had to come to terms that I wouldn't be able to come back to this school next semester. My last day will be at the end of April.
A lot of reasons are going into this decision, and I really am quite happy with my decision. I look forward to my new goals and carving out some pathways towards the dreams that have newly minted themselves into my psyche. It's hard, though, because I do care about my students, even if they can drive me nuts sometimes.
I had to tell them this week, so they would have time to cope with my leaving. I had a feeling they'd take it a bit hard, since they seemed to really like me and seek my attention whenever they can. So, I told them during computer class. I tried to explain it as simply and best as I could. I told them that I might be in the area for a while, still, to finish some business and travel a bit, but that I need to be ready to go home at any minute. I care about them, but I have to take care of myself and my family, and I feel it's unfair to them for me to am-scray during their learning time.
Boy, did I make them cry. I think I made most of them cry because of this. I mean, yes, each class reacted slightly differently. But they cried. The first year students cried the most. And then the questions started. What can we do to be better students? Will you ever come back? Can we go with you? What will happen to us?! And then the comments came out. You're the only teacher that has made us like math! You make learning so much fun. No one will be like you, teacher. And so on. I've had some texts from students on my cellphone of them telling me that they are angry I'm leaving, and begging me to stay.
It's difficult to get this kind of intense reaction about my leaving. In a way, it's makes me feel pretty bad and sad. Like I'm messing up their lives, or something. It breaks my heart to see them so distraught by the news. But then it also feels kind of nice, because I suddenly see just how much they like me. And how much I mean to them. I can see, now, that I have actually been making a difference, even if it's a bit late. A day later, I heard a big commotion in one of the classrooms after class. I walked over to see what was going on. Denise was taking a picture with about 60 of the students. All of a sudden, while looking through the window, I heard this big cheer coming from the classroom. Someone came out of the classroom and pulled me in, and all of the students started cheering and shouting for me. It was a moment not unlike the last scene in Mr. Holland's Opus.
I'm currently planning some out-of-country trips during next week, which is Genocide Memorial Week. What is that, you ask? Basically, it's a full week in April where everyone remembers and grieves for those lost in the genocide almost two decades ago. Stores close the whole week, people have services to attend, and I hear it's hugely sad. And honestly? Probably a little bit too sad for me, right now. I've got a lot going on - I don't need any assistance in feeling grief or sadness. So, out of the country I plan to go! Where? Don't know yet - maybe Uganda. Maybe Burundi. Maybe both? My gal pals and I are planning some ideas. And at nicer hotels, not little tent-ish hostels.
Normally I'm all about doing things to local way. Eating the food. Trying out the customs. But here, I don't know why, but I cling onto anything remotely familiar. And I want to be pampered, a bit. Nicer living situations? Oh, sure. Fancy hotel for a nice getaway? Mmmmm yes!
Other than that, I've been getting a lot of support for my business idea. I'm running in a competition for the idea, and I hope that I can get the nice cash prize that comes along with the winning ticket. Wish me luck!
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